When you think about it, love is one sided. Your time and effort is focused on fantasizing about how a stranger makes you feel. You will fixate on the part of them you love and the part you demand they show before you love them. An ideal situation for you is always on your mind. Yet not much of that time is focused on yourself and how YOU might make them feel. When you consider it, you will realize you’re doing the kind of thing that makes you exceptionally difficult to please.

Maybe you haven’t realized but, you might have high expectations for partners. You expect they be funny and intelligent. You want them to be affluent and also influence. For you they should be kind and mature, and you might even have an unreasonable standard they should adhere to. Yet ironically, you will expect they be reasonable with regards to their standard for you. You might be demanding without realising it, because that is what you want in your ideal relationship, but oftentimes you are, as a lover, very unfair.

You might not realise that you aren’t that person a partner wants to love. You want a fit partner who ignores you’re out of shape. You want a sexual partner but do not understand consent or setting a mood. You want someone who’s calm but you always overreact when you’re rejected. You want an ideal partner who ignores your faults and loves you just the way you are yet, the harsh reality is you absolutely won’t change or improve. You refuse to be who your partner wants you to be. How does that work?

In truth we don’t really consider how we won’t make our partners comfortable and certainly won’t consider what they want from us. We will quickly point out how unreasonable they are in their demands when we don’t match up to theirs, but we will demand they listen to our play list and like it as much as we do before they are attractive enough for us. They are the simple things but when put at par with the number of interests we have and expect they accept, it becomes an issue; an issue that everyone will eventually get caught up in at some point. Everyone will have different attractive qualities and some qualities will be exceptionally rare.

So ask yourself, if everyone starts setting very unique standards for everyone else to match up to then who would love them? Who would love us? And, who would compromise? While you’re making your list, or sitting at that coffee shop imagining how that person you want to ask out will definitely love your interests, in the exact same way you will, or whether you’ll make them love it exactly the same way you do, spare a moment to ask yourself: Are my expectations making me difficult to love?

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